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hey, have u heard?
today's the 100th day before Krismas!!!

but guess what i've been thinking
and which many friends reminded me of today?


d e a t h

if i stare long enough at it
that 5-letter word won't seem to mean a thing
and so i hope
but then we all concerned parties know that
it will still do



was talking with zeny about our mothers,
their similarities -- ugali, charm, sickness, their deaths
of us missing them even after all these years
and then thinking what it would be like when our similar time comes

later this evening a young friend told me he almost got killed on the road last week
slowing down before he even knew something's gonna hit him saved him

then opening my email,
i was reminded to ask what to me matters?
really matters

yesterday my greatest thought for the day was:
hope i'd be dead by the end of the day
that would mean no more work to get pissed over


but then like in all other matters,
no such luck
:)


still here
looking over there
to where i believe
things would be better
where people who mean to me would be waiting


but for now
for here
to keep my thoughts of death company
to make it something beautiful
something to look forward to as much as
this we call "haaayyy buhay"

i choose this


i w i l l b e g r a t e f u l


for every single day
for every single (even if coupled) person
for every single me (the very, very single me)
and my life
and my would-be death


dahil gusto ko
pag tinatanong na ako
yung isasagot ko
yun-na-yun
parang si susan...


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SUSAN
Where are you going?

SETH (MAN)
Home.

SUSAN
Can Mommy Come?

SETH
No.

SUSAN
She won't understand.

SETH
She will, someday.

He holds out his hand. She takes it. He leads her away, as the edges of what is familiar in the hospital corridor become fuzzy, suffused with light. . .

SETH
Can I ask you something?

SUSAN
Yes.

SETH
What did you like best?

SUSAN
(thinking)
Pajamas.



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1998 city of angels
1998 nanay
1998 j